What are the groom’s responsibilities? It’s a tricky question to answer. Traditionally, the bride has been dreaming about a fairytale wedding since she was a child. Although many grooms want to lean in and participate as much as possible, they also don’t want to conflict with those dreams. So, what is critical, what is optional, and what is completely out of bounds?
Read on to discover how grooms can seamlessly slip into wedding planning schedules.
The biggest source of pre wedding stress is almost always the budget. Even if someone else is footing the bill, it’s important to plan properly. Start planning as early as possible and adhere to formal guides and software by dedicating specific amounts to each component of the ceremony and reception. Remember to set aside at least 5% for incidentals and emergencies!
The Guest List
Another item that you can add to your groom’s wedding checklist is choosing who attends. This is a huge source of stress, but it’s also a little easier than you may expect. Start by nailing down the precise number that fits your budget and then start counting. Consult with both sets of parents as well as the bridal party. Of course, the bride has to be involved, but with the groom’s involvement at this level, all she has to do is refine the list instead of building it from scratch.
Choose The Groomsmen
Choosing the best man and groomsmen is pretty much a no-brainer. However, it’s not irregular to overlook the need for gifts for the groom’s party. For ambitious men, a few groom duties that you can add to your plate is creating a shortlist of ushers, flower girls, ring bearers, officiants, and people who will speak at your wedding.
Dress Code For The Men
There is a theme, venue, and decor involved, so you cannot make this decision unilaterally. The dress code is ultimately a team effort. However, proactively bringing ideas to the table goes a long way in regards to reducing wedding planning stress. Gather your ideas for colors, textures, fabrics, styles, shoes, and accessories. Sit down as a couple and make the decision together.
Choosing a destination and paying for the trip is traditionally one of the groom’s responsibilities. Beyond that, the groom can coordinate reservations, transport, accommodations, itineraries, and a luggage checklist. There’s also the matter of passports, vaccinations, traveler’s insurance, and potentially visas to take care of.
This is a fairly simple task, but every little bit counts when it comes to the groom’s guide to wedding planning. Simply purchase the bride’s wedding band and hand it over to the best man for safekeeping. Make sure to include the groom’s wedding band as well as the marriage license for obvious reasons.
A lot of men really enjoy taking on this groom’s responsibility for the wedding. Consult your budget, ask the bride if she has any strong preferences, and go to town. The first decision is to choose either a DJ or a live band. In either case, interviews are in order. They are going to be a significant feature of the wedding so their personalities are important.
Get a sample of the music, ask if they are flexible in case there are requests from your guests or particular songs you want to be played for the first dances, and read up on their reviews. It’s a good idea to bring a few options to the bride in case she doesn’t agree with your top choice. You can pretty much use the same process for wedding photographers and similar vendors.
It’s easy to turn to choose the food into a team effort. At the very least make sure to attend tastings. The next step up is to get her menu wishlist and put in the grunt work of researching caterers or other ways to make it happen. Above and beyond includes creating the entire menu of appetizers, salads, snacks, signature cocktails, and entrees. Again, this should synergize with the theme, venue, and budget. Of course, you can’t make a deposit without first getting the green light from the bride.
Who plans the wedding? Both of you do. The wedding gown is really the only thing that is completely off-limits. Aside from that, it’s possible that she wants full control. But, it’s your job to ask. The bare minimum is to let the bride know that you are enthusiastic and willing to help and/or take ownership of entire tasks.
Valeriya Istomina is a Wedding Forward expert on wedding budgets, etiquettes, ceremonies, and music. If you need tips for wedding planning, she will guide you all the way. She collects analytics and surveys, talks to experts; creates checklists, templates, and gives her take on wedding planning. Her other passions are yoga, photography, and reading.