At the beginning of a romantic relationship, you’re usually very excited. You get butterflies in your stomach just thinking of all the possibilities. At the same time, that fluttering you feel turns into uneasiness. You don’t know this person that well yet, and as much as you hope everything will turn out well, you’re full of doubts – doubts about them, about yourself, and about your future together.
Then you start to think that maybe they’re hiding something from you or that you’ll do something that will make them stop liking you. We’re a social species, so of course, we feel this desire to be liked and accepted. And it’s hard to put yourself out there. Being vulnerable is uncomfortable. That’s why you start reading into everything they do. You want to know where you stand so you can feel secure again.
You might even try to test them by making plans for something several months in advance. Or maybe you stalk them on social media or fixate on minor differences thinking that they’re signs of incompatibility. In fact, all these behaviors are signs of new relationship anxiety.
What Causes New Relationship Anxiety?
New relationship anxiety is not at all unusual, so you could say that the cause is simply being in a new relationship. One of the best psychologists in Melbourne states that the best thing a person can do under these circumstances is to avoid overcomplicating things. Try not to ruminate on negative thoughts and instead focus your attention on the present moment. Of course, the level of intensity can vary from person to person, depending on some factors.
When you start dating someone new, there’s no track record. But as much as you’d like to avoid it, there’s always this voice creeping in from the back of your mind, reminding you of bad experiences from past relationships. Although you know that this is someone new, you don’t want history to repeat itself, so you read into the things they say or do, looking for similarities or differences between them and your exes.
Maybe you’ve had a partner that broke your trust by lying to you, misleading you, cheating on you, or by suddenly breaking up with you. This will make it more difficult to trust a new partner, even if they don’t show any signs of dishonesty.
You’re a Skeptical Person
If you’re a skeptical person, you’ll naturally be more inclined to question everything because you like to consider several possible explanations for behavior or outcomes to a decision.
Here we have to note that even though a certain amount of skepticism is healthy because it helps you develop your critical thinking skills and leads to better decision-making, it can also be a sign of anxiety or a consequence of being under a lot of stress for an extended period of time.
If you tend to overthink everything you do and you often find yourself feeling paralyzed because of it, it might be better to talk to a psychotherapist about it so they can help you determine the cause. If it turns out that it’s anxiety or stress, they can teach you coping strategies, and you can also try stress-relief products like the ones from Pure Hemp Farms.
According to attachment theory, your relationship with your primary caregivers when you were a child will have a major influence on your relationships as an adult.
If your emotional needs were met with love and support and you were able to form a positive and secure bond with them, you’re more likely to feel confident in relationships because you developed a secure attachment style.
In contrast, if your bond with them lacked a sense of consistency, you’re more likely to develop an anxious attachment style that makes you worry that your partner does not reciprocate your feeling or that they will leave you because they lost interest. These fears make you seek reassurance from them.
How to Overcome New Relationship Anxiety
It might not feel like it right now, as you’re reading this article, but you can overcome new relationship anxiety. Of course, it takes more than telling yourself everything is fine over and over again. But with a bit of time and the following strategies, everything will be fine.
Don’t Let Your Anxiety Get the Better of You
What do we mean by that? Sometimes, when you’re in a new relationship and get a bit insecure, you crave some sort of proof that you don’t have to worry about getting your feelings hurt. This can lead to sabotaging behaviors.
For example, you might send your partner several texts per hour because they went out with their friends without you, and that makes you anxious. Although texting regularly can help you develop and maintain a sense of connection, when it crosses certain boundaries and your partner feels like you’re trying to control them, it can lead to conflict.
It’s Ok to Ask for Reassurance, but You Need Balance
When you get anxious because you’re in a new relationship, it can feel like it’s your partner’s duty to reassure you and help you regain your calm. But as we’ve mentioned before, this anxiety is not unusual, and it doesn’t necessarily mean that they’re doing something to trigger it.
Asking them to cater to your anxiety and possibly change certain behaviors can make it harder to truly connect with them. It essentially has the opposite effect of what you want.
Practice Good Communication
You’ve probably heard it time and time again, but that’s because it’s true: communication is key to a healthy and happy relationship.
When you feel anxious, you’re more likely to ask for reassurance indirectly because you want to appear confident. However, your partner is likely doing the same thing, which means that taking the first step through self-disclosure will encourage them to talk more openly as well, bringing you closer together and helping you get the sense of security you crave.
On the other hand, keeping these feelings to yourself will only intensify them and widen the distance between you two.
And self-disclosure shouldn’t stop there. Relationships are essentially about sharing who you are with another person. It can be as simple as letting them see what matters to you.