There’s no greater act of love than adopting a child and welcoming them into your home. But let’s not pretend that it’s without challenges. There are plenty of hurdles that must be cleared. And there will be certain amounts of friction that both you, as parents, and the child experience. But if you’re willing to work at it, it’s possible to make the child feel like a loved part of the family from the start.
4 Tips for Making Your Adopted Child Feel Loved
Every child is different. From age and personality to past life experiences and future expectations, there are unique elements that must be sorted through.
That being said, here are some tips to make your adopted child instantly feel loved:
1. Set Up a Comfortable Space
If possible, you want to give an adoptive child their own private space in the home – ideally, their own bedroom. But even if you don’t have the square footage to make that happen, you should do your best to set up a comfortable space where they feel safe.
If the child is old enough, try involving them in the process. Paint the walls their favorite color. Incorporate their interests into the decor and design. But even if the child isn’t old enough to have preferences, you can do your best by integrating things like stuffed animals, soft blankets, night lights, and age-appropriate games and activities.
2. Prepare Your Family
Make sure you take the time to prepare your family for the adoption. This includes having frank and open conversations with your biological children so they understand what’s happening. You want everyone to be on the same page in welcoming this new child into your home. It’s not an “us” vs. “them” mentality. It’s a we mentality. As soon as the child enters the threshold of your home, everyone is on the same team.
As easy as that sounds, it can be difficult. Even as parents who are voluntarily making the decision to adopt, there are unique challenges associated with such a big decision.
Consider attending adoption education classes or workshops that can provide insights into the potential issues and effective strategies to deal with them. Topics may include understanding the effects of trauma, building attachment, and managing behavioral issues. The more you understand your child’s potential experiences, the better equipped you’ll be to provide the support they need.
3. Give Them Your Name
If you want to make a strong statement that this adoptive child is part of the family, there’s no better way to do that than by legally giving them your last name.
“Changing an adopted child’s name is not an easy decision,” UK Deed Poll Office admits. “Some adoptive parents believe that they should rename children after the adoption. For them, the new name symbolizes a fresh start. At the same time, other parents may feel strongly about keeping the child’s original name as a connection to its birth family.”
Ultimately, the decision to change your child’s last name is up to you. (And, if the child is old enough to understand, they should have some say in the decision.) Overall, it’s not a choice to take lightly. Take your time and consider the pros and cons on all sides of the equation.
4. Seek Professional Help
Despite your best efforts, there may be times when professional assistance is needed to help your child navigate their feelings and experiences. Signs that your child might benefit from professional help could include prolonged periods of sadness, disruptive behavior, difficulty in school, trouble sleeping, or excessive worry. These can indicate underlying issues such as anxiety, depression, or post-traumatic stress disorder, which can be common in adoptive children depending on their past experiences.
If you decide that professional help is needed, find a counselor or therapist with experience working with adoptive children and their families. You may also find it helpful to track down local adoption support groups. These can be great outlets for connecting with other families in similar situations.
Give Your Child a Bright Future
At the end of the day, an adopted child is just like a biological child. You love them unconditionally and do whatever you can to create the best possible future. In the early days, this means welcoming the child into your home and helping them feel as comfortable and loved as possible.
